There's No Going Back

I feel like I need a LOT of motivation for most things that I do. Motivation comes in a lot of forms for me. Survival, guilt, friends, fear to name a few. I notice that the fear of looking stupid really motivates me too. I went to Park City with some friends a few weeks ago and here's how the conversation went:



N: "I need to get skinny for my vaca with a couple of hotties!"

K1: "I feel so out of shape from when I was in high school"

K2: "Me too. We should all start running!"

N: "I already do, I just need to step it up!"

K1: "Well let's all run a half marathon!!"

Everyone: "Heck ya!! That'd be amazing!!"

Me: "Yaaaa..... Count me in......"



So now I'm running a half marathon next year because I succumb to peer pressure all too easily. And I have to train hard so I don't look like the fool who walks an entire half marathon. I've been telling everyone I know so it's extra motivation to keep going and not quit. I don't want to be talking to anyone next year and have to conversation go like this:



You: "Hey Erin!! How'd that half marathon go? You know, I am so proud that you did that. Look at how amazing you are! You're a hero to the world!!"

Me: "Oh, about that.... I actually didn't do it...."

You: "You didn't get injured or anything did you??"

Me: "Not really.... I just got really caught up in my soaps and chocolate to get to the gym...."

Me: *head held down in shame*

You: *Trying to avoid my gaze because you feel bad and awkward for me*

That's an awkward conversation that I don't want either of us to have to participate in. So, I'm running and training and getting ready so that when it comes up I can feel cool because I did it and you can feel cool because you know someone who did it. I have even convinced others to share in my madness. My lil sis is running with me. And guess what?! You can do it too!! The more the merrier! The first race (that's right, I'm doing two half marathons next year) is March 19th in Moab. It will be beautiful!!! And fun! So let me know if you want to join in the craziness!

Life is Way More Awesome Than Hard

Some of you may know that I volunteer at the Cancer Clinic up here once a week. Nothing too intense, I just give back, foot or hand massages to the ladies (I've only worked on one or two gentlemen the whole time I've been here) while they're getting treatment. When I started I thought, "Ok, no big deal. This is something awesome that I get to do. I'm tough and it won't really affect me at all." Well, I've been doing it for a while and turns out it's affecting me in more ways than I thought it would. I have this incredible group of ladies that are here almost every week. It has been amazing to get to know them. They are some of the strongest women I've ever met! Today was a really fun day and a really touching day as well. I love walking in and all the gals are just so excited to see me (let's be honest, they're really just excited to see my hands ;) Today we had a little party. One gal brought in 7-layer dip and tortilla chips. Another brought in artichoke dip with some crackers. Then one brought some donuts in. It was all so tasty!! When I got done working on one of the sweetest little ladies ever, she said to look under the bench of her walker. She had a gift for me. It meant so much that she thought of me. I feel like I'm so blessed in my life and I need to take more time to think of others. This sweet woman took time from the treatments and the pain and nausea and taking care of her family to get something for me. What's going on in my life that I can't take the time to think of someone else and let them know how much I appreciate them? Not nearly as much as her, and yet she did it. My new goal is to think of others more often and SHOW them I'm thinking of them and that I appreciate them.

This has also been a very bitter sweet day. One woman isn't coming in anymore. She wants to spend the rest of the time she has left with family and without all the side effects of the chemo. I can't say I blame her at all. It's just really eye opening to see someone so content with mortality. She knows she doesn't have a lot of time left and she's ok with it. She knows there's something better waiting for her. She has such an amazing testimony and she's lead a great life and now she's ready to move on and continue on with the plan. I know I'm not there yet, but I hope one day I'll be as happy about this life and the next as she is.

I know this is a very random post, but it's been a random day. I hope we can all stop for a minute, look around us and realize how amazing life is and how blessed we all are

Lessons Learned

I have a confession to make.... My yard is a MESS!! Work got crazy for a little bit, I was going down to Salt Lake a ton and I'm a little lazy which all adds up to yard with weeds taller than me and grass that is hanging on to life by a thread. Everytime I came home and looked at the mess I would think to myself, "There is no way that I'll be able to clean all of this up today! Plus I had a bunch of massages and I'm TIRED" So what would I do? Go inside, read a book or go play. After a couple of weeks of not having enough time to get everything the way I want, I finally decided that I don't need to get it all done in one shot. So on Saturday I spent maybe half an hour weeding a section of zeroscaping. Then on Monday I mowed the lawns, watered and tackled a flower bed that was more weed than flower. Today, my yard isn't perfect, but it so much more beautiful than it was last week.

The lesson I learned? I think in life we want to be perfect and be able to do everything right now. "I want to lose a ton of weight right now." "I want to be a scriptorian right now." "I want to be celestial material right now." "I want to be the perfect daughter, son, sister, brother, mother, father, wife, husband, friend, employee, church member, person RIGHT NOW!" The task can seem overwhelming and all too often we either put it off or abandon the idea all together because it's too much for us. Maybe we need to take a step back, catch our breath and move forward with what we CAN do. Maybe we need to realize that we aren't perfect right now, but that's OK!

My yard isn't perfect, but you know what? It will be soon. My life isn't perfect, but you know what? It will be eventually as long as I continue to do those little things everyday to make myself the person I want to be physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

I'm sure you all know this already... I have so many amazing examples in my life of AMAZING people. Thanks for being the wonderful people you are! And thanks for showing me how to be a better person!

I Make Quilts :)

I wanted to do something for a friend of mine who wasn't having the best time ever. I also have been wanting to make a quilt so this gave me the perfect excuse to make something amazing!! Another friend of mine gave me the idea how to patch it together using a lot of different colors then I just ran with it and did whatever I wanted with it. I wanted a lot of bright colors so I found these awesome fabrics (among others.)

I think it turned out pretty well ;)

Look at Me Posting Again So Fast!!

A lot of interesting things have happened to me in the last little bit. So I will now share them with all of you.

First, let me say that Easter was AWESOME!!! I got to be home with my family which was amazing. Sarah, Joe, and Ellie were up. Mom, Pa, Catherine and Onge were there and so we all got to be together for a while. It was groovy fun times! I like that General Conference was the same weekend as Easter. I missed a session or so but was able to watch most of it. I really enjoyed that they spoke a lot to the women of the church as well as parents. I'm not a parent myself, but in my new profession I will be working very closely with new parents and it was great to hear what the Lords expects of them and will bless them with. While I'm on the subject of the Church, I'll tell you that I went to the Salt Lake Temple last week with my friend John from New York. It was such a beautiful experience! I'm always amazed at the intensity of inspiration, comfort and guidance that is given in the temple. My goal for the rest of the year is to go once a week. There is always an excuse not to go, but if I make it a priority it will happen. I've been thinking a lot about priorities. We have so many excuses not to do the things we need to in this life. But really, it's just about giving up bad (and even good) things for better things.

Back to Easter!! We had an Easter Egg Hunt with all the cousins in the area. It was so much fun! Made me remember all the great times we had when we were young. I love getting together with the family!

I actually think I will stop there and post the other interesting things later. We've discussed a lot of spiritual principles and I don't want to taint them with my other happenings. Thanks to all the wonderful people in my life that enrich my life just by being who they are! I am blessed beyond anything I can convey. Much love to all!!

The Last Eight Months of ME

I know it has been far too long since I posted anything but that's what happens when you no longer have a computer or the internet at home. I am at the mercy of the local library. I kind of really like it though.

There have been a lot of fun, awesome developments in my life as of late. Here's a brief, probably incomplete recap:

1. After spending a month in Spain (which was AMAZING!!) I spent 5 days in Rome which wasn't as amazing as Spain, but still one of the coolest places I've been so far. Then I spent two days in London. I liked Spain best, then London, then Rome. I would love to go back soon!

2. Onge and I went down to Albuquerque and saw some of my old mission buds. We stayed with Brooke and Chris and Chan Snyder. They are hilarious and I've missed them a lot! Balloon Fiesta was pretty awesome too.

3. I was able to go down to Cedar with Mom and be there for the birth of little Ellie Jo which was one of the most amazing experiences I have been able to be a part of. I knew I wanted to be a doula before this and after the birth, I KNOW this is exactly what I want to do.

4. I've started my training to be a doula!! This makes me more excited than I can put into words! I met so many amazing women and the training and some of the awesome doulas here in Cache Valley. I feel very blessed to be a part of this. This is another thing that I feel like I've been lead to do. Who thinks of this on their own? Not me that's for sure. So all you pregnant women out there give me a call and I can give you some amazing tools to help you though labor and delivery. I feel like we have this preconceived notion that birth can only be done one way and it's something just to get thru so you can get your baby with you. I know it can be so much more. There are so many options out there that we just don't know about. It's incredible to think and learn about!!

5. I am still as awesome as ever. Actually, I feel that the more time that passes, the more awesome I get. Who knew, but there it is.